All or Nothing
by starvingfaerie
Summary: "What did you do, Logan?" Logan jumped. He hadn't even heard the door open. He'd also never heard Finn's voice so serious. He didn't say anything, just poured himself another glass of scotch. "Did you seriously let the one good thing in your life go?"
1. Wrong

" _It doesn't have to be all or nothing, does it?"_

" _Yeah, it does."_

Logan was sitting in the dark in his apartment, trying not to see the look on her face as he walked away. Her voice was the only thing he could hear in the almost empty apartment. His veins were pumped full of scotch and his vision was blurry—from tears or from the alcohol, he didn't know, but no matter what he did, he couldn't stop the pain from crashing down all around him. He had just let go of the one good thing in his life. She was right; they had done the long distance thing before. It worked. They made their relationship work when they were an ocean apart. It was hard, yes, but it worked. They always worked. Because they were Logan and Rory and they were so, so, so madly, deeply, truly in love with each other and that was all that ever mattered.

"What did you do, Logan?" Logan jumped. He hadn't even heard the door open. He'd also never heard Finn's voice so serious. He didn't say anything, just poured himself another glass of scotch. "Did you seriously let the one good thing in your life go?" There was an edge to Finn's voice now. He took the almost empty bottle away from Logan and finished it himself before sitting down across from him. Logan looked at the empty bottle. Did he really just drink a whole bottle of scotch?

"I lost her." His voice was raw and the words hurt to say.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

At that, Logan looked up. Finn looked angry, sad, and disappointed. "There is no way in hell that you will ever lose that girl. She loves you too much. What the fuck made you think that you could walk away from her after all she put up with after the past three years?"

"I—"

"No, I'm not done." Finn stood up and grabbed a bottle of water from his bag by the door and threw it at Logan. He fumbled to catch it. "You need to sober the fuck up. You're not going to tell Rory fucking Gilmore it's all or nothing, That's not fair to her, and it's not fair to you. Look at you, you're drinking your weight in scotch in a dark apartment." he looked down at his phone, texting for a second. "You honestly think you can lose her?"

"I fucked up, Finn."

"Yeah, you did." He started pacing. "But do you know how much that girl loves you? No one knows why she loves you so goddamn much, but she does, and you just let that go." He stopped and looked at Logan. "You don't deserve her. But she loves you and she wants you and there is no way in hell will I let her hurt and drink _her_ weight in whatever alcohol she chooses because of _you_." He looked at his phone and walked over to the door and opened it. Colin stood there with three cups of coffee.

"Got the strongest I could find." He stepped past Finn and handed Logan a large cup. "Drink this." He said quietly.

He took a sip and it was _strong_. Rory and Lorelai strong. Colin sat on the counter and looked at Finn.

"Do you have a plan?" he asked. Finn ran his hand through his hair.

"We just need to sober him up first." He looked at Logan. "Drink that coffee." He added, the edge back in his voice before he turned back to Colin. "Have you talked to her?"

"No, but I talked to Honor." Logan almost dropped his coffee. "She said she'll be here as soon as she can. She's pissed."

"Why did you call my sister?" he choked out.

"Because if we can't talk any fucking sense into you, she definitely can. Drink your coffee." Colin jumped off the counter and stood in front of Logan. "Seriously, Logan, what the _fuck_ is wrong with you?"

Logan could take this anymore. He threw the coffee on the ground, the hot liquid splattering his bare feet, but he couldn't feel anything. He looked at his best friends. "I know I fucked up. I fucked up big time. I lost her and I pushed her and I wish I could go back in time and change it, but I can't. But even if I could get her back, it won't be the same, will it? Like you said, Finn, she's too good for me! I don't deserve her! I don't know why she loves me. I fucked up and I can never forgive myself for this one!" He was yelling now, and Finn and Colin stared at him. "She was my one, and I fucked it up and I just… walked away." Hot tears fell from his eyes and he was walked into the kitchen to desperately look for another bottle of scotch, vodka, rum, gin, _anything_ to numb this unbearable pain that he had caused himself. Finn grabbed him.

"You are _not_ drinking anymore." He said firmly. "You are going to sober the fuck up and then you are going to fix this." He grabbed another cup of coffee and shoved it into Logan's hands.

"I need to see her." He whispered, in between drinks. "I need to talk to her."

"Not right now." Colin said, watching him. "You're a fucking mess and you'll only make things worse."

The door to the apartment flew open and Honor walked in. Her hair was falling out of its normally neat bun and her eyeliner was a little smudged. She looked at Finn and Colin.

"Out. I need a moment with my brother." Her voice was quiet. She stopped Colin. "Thank you for calling me."

"You're welcome." He whispered before ducking under her. Not much scared Logan, but Honor was definitely on the list.

"Logan Elias Huntzberger, I can't believe the fucking mess you've gotten yourself into." Her voice was low and deadly. "You walked away from Rory." Logan cringed when she said her name. "I never thought I'd see the day you'd walk away from that girl. I know how much you love her. I know how much she loves you. Rory was your first _girlfriend._ Why the fuck did you walk away? She was it for you, Logan. I've never seen you so happy. I love you, brother, but you're so fucking stupid for walking away from that beautiful, wonderful, brilliant girl. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Not with her. The two of you can conquer the fucking world together. Why, Logan, did you have to walk away from her?" her voice had risen to a yell by the end, but when she looked at him, it softened. "She is the love of your life, Logan. Why?"

"I don't know, Honor." He whispered. "I don't know."

"Well, we're going to fix this because I can't stand to see you like this and she sure as hell doesn't fucking deserve this." Honor stood up. ""No more drinking, not while you're depressed." She handed him the last cup of coffee. "Drink this and then we'll come up a plan to fix this mess you've created."

Finn peeked his head in. "Is it safe to come in now?"

Honor nodded. Finn and Colin came in, carrying bags of food.

"I know this might look and smell nauseating now, but it'll help in a little while." Finn said, dropping the bags down on the table.

"Thank you." Logan whispered.

"Look, mate, I'm sorry for yelling at you." Finn sat down on the floor in front of him so he could properly look him in the face. "But it was what you needed to hear."

"I know."

"I probably didn't need to be so cruel about it, really, mate, if I hadn't been, I don't think anything else would've worked."

"You're right." Logan finished the rest of his coffee.

"But we'll get her back." Finn patted his knee. "You haven't lost her. She's your soulmate. I can't imagine a world were Logan Huntzberger and Rory Gilmore aren't a thing." He offered him a small smile before grabbing the water bottle he threw at him earlier. "Drink this and then we'll try some food, yeah?"

"Okay."


	2. Break

"Logan?" Finn called out in the dark. Logan didn't answer, just continued to look at his feet in the dark. He woke up a few hours ago in a cold sweat, praying to a god he didn't believe in that yesterday was a horrible nightmare. But the bed space next to him was cold and empty and after stumbling out of bed to empty the contents of his stomach, he realized it wasn't. So he numbly walked to the kitchen and found his secret stash of alcohol and was polishing of a bottle of Jack in the dark.

"I know you're in here. I can smell the alcohol." Finn's voice was gentle as it drew closer. Logan saw his best friend's worried face in the moonlight.

"Over here." He muttered, before finishing off the bottle and tossing it to the side. He heard the glass break on the floor far away, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Logan reached for another bottle and found a bottle of vodka. He opened it and took a drink right as Finn reached him. He snatched the bottle out of Logan's hand and tossed it in the sink, shattering it.

"How much have you had to drink?"

"Oh, I dunno." Logan slurred. "I do know I just finished a bottle of Jack." He laughed humorlessly. "The bottle's somewhere over there." He pointed lazily in the direction of the broken bottle.

"Is that it?" This conversation would be a lot easier if Finn would just _stay still_.

"I don't think so." He looked at his secret stash and it looked a lot less full than it had earlier. "There's a lot less in here than there was a couple hours ago…"

"Why are you drinking so much in the middle of the night?" Finn asked. Logan sat up straight and tears sprung to his eyes.

"I woke up a few hours ago." He was sounding a little more sober, though his words were still slurred. "I thought yesterday was just a long, horrible nightmare. But my bed was empty. _She_ wasn't there, Finn!" His voice cracked. "And then I threw up." He paused for a moment, tears streaming down his face. "Then I realized I needed to feel something, or numb the pain, or both? So I just… found my secret stash in the kitchen and I've been drinking ever since." Logan tried to reach for another bottle and Finn grabbed him.

"No." he said harshly. "No more drinking."

"I need it, Finn…" Logan whispered.

"No, you don't." Finn sighed. "You need Rory, but she's not here. I'm all you've got for the time being." He heaved Logan up off the ground and dragged him to the bathroom. "Stay here, mate." He leaned him up against the bathtub and turned and ran out of the room. Logan shrugged and let himself fall slowly to the floor before he realized he needed to throw up.

Drinking so much on an empty stomach was probably not a good idea. Finn walked in just as Logan was hugging the toilet bowl and sat down next to him, rubbing his back. When he was done, Finn handed him a bottle of water and sat down next to him.

"It's okay, mate." He said softly. "You'll get through this." He stood up and ran a washcloth under cold water. "I'll get you through tonight like all the times you got me through drunken nights like this."

"Thank you." Logan said, before falling to the bathroom floor.

* * *

"What the fuck did he do last night?" Honor's voice sounded very far away.

"He thought yesterday was a nightmare." Finn was explaining quietly. "He woke up in the middle of the night, saw Rory wasn't there, then somehow found his way to the kitchen and his secret stash and drank half of it."

"And why didn't you wake me up?" She sounded angry. Logan didn't want to open his eyes yet.

"Because I knew you were going this is how you would respond." Finn sounded annoyed and protective. "I'm sorry, but he didn't need anyone yelling at him again." He sighed. "It was bad, Honor. He was in real bad shape last night."

"Well, he's asleep on the bathroom floor…" He could hear her pacing. Logan opened one eye and saw a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of water in front of him. There was also a pair of sunglasses and a change of clothes. He took a handful of aspirin and downed it with half the bottle of water.

"When he wakes up, you _cannot_ jump down his throat and start yelling at him." Finn said firmly. "After he was done throwing up and when he finally blacked out, I looked around the flat for alcohol—anywhere that he might hide it, and I threw it out." He sighed. "It's all gone. So if something like last night happens, he won't be able to drink his sorrows away."

"You didn't even wake _me_ up?" Colin sounded a little annoyed.

"I was too busy calming him down." Finn said. "I wasn't going to leave him alone to wake everyone up in the house."

Logan put the sunglasses on and walked out of the bathroom quietly. "I'm sorry I broke down last night." He avoided everyone's eye contact. "But I feel like I'm allowed to have that moment of weakness. After you lot were yelling at me yesterday, and I walked out on the love of my life, I… I was hoping it was a horrible nightmare. I just couldn't fully process it yesterday. My breakdown last night was my way of processing it." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He paused and sat down, remembering the feeling of Rory's fingers in his hair and suddenly he was happy for the sunglasses. Tears sprung to his eyes and he turned away from his friends. "Is there coffee?" he choked out.

"No, but I can go get some." Honor said softly, reaching out to him. Her perfume was the same as Rory's and he backed away.

"Just.. get the coffee, please, Honor." Logan whispered. "Thank you." He sank into a chair. She looked a little hurt, but nodded as she grabbed her keys and walked out of the apartment. Finn and Colin looked at him.

"What was that about?" Colin asked gently.

"She wears the same perfume Rory does." Logan sighed, hiding his face in hands.

* * *

Logan lit a cigarette and sat on the balcony outside of his apartment. The sun felt good on his cold skin and he knew he was going to get yelled at for this, but smoking was betting than drinking, right?

"Are you fucking smoking?" Finn's voice once again scared the shit out of him.

"You don't want me to drink. I need some kind of vice right now." He answered tonelessly.

"Well, with that logic…" Finn sat next to him. "Can I have one?"

Logan shrugged and nodded to the pack of Marlboros sitting next to him. Finn took one out and lit it before turning to him. "It's time we try to figure out how to get your girl back, mate." He said through a puff of smoke. Logan didn't say anything, just took a drag off of his cigarette. "Do you have any ideas?"

"At this point, I will run to her and beg on my knees if that's what will get her to come back to me." He said without looking at his friend. Finn smoked on his cigarette for a moment.

"There's that," he said slowly. "and then there's all the elaborate ways you went through to get her back a few years ago when you cheated on her, remember?"

"Yeah, I don't think hiring a coffee cart to follow her around is gonna fix this one." He flicked the butt off the balcony and reached for another cigarette.

"You never know, mate." Finn shrugged. "Maybe try other ways before you resort to begging."

"Like what?"

"Write her something." He suggested. "You're good with words and she likes words."

"I don't know…" Logan sighed. "I don't know if I can even write right now."

"Okay." Finn turned to look at his best friend. "You've been doing everything you can to fucking self destruct over the past two days. You're going to do everything in your fucking power to get Rory back." He said aggressively. "I don't care what it is. If you really want to get on your fucking knees and beg for forgiveness, do it. I don't care. But you will get her back, because you're going to end up killing yourself at the rate you're going."

"I know." Logan looked at his hands. His knuckles were bruised from punching the wall earlier. "I can't imagine what will happen if I don't get her back."

Colin walked outside, a little baggie in his hand. "How about pot instead of cigarettes?" he offered a joint to Logan who looked at it for a minute before taking it and lighting it.

"I guess this works." He said, exhaling the smoke slowly.

"Maybe this will help us come up with some ideas to get Rory back, yeah?" Colin smiled and patted Logan on the back.

* * *

"What the fuck are you guys doing?" Honor walked outside, a notebook in hand. Finn offered her the pipe.

"Come join us, love," he smiled. "we're figuring out how to get our dear Rory back." He said through a cloud of smoke. Honor eyed the pipe before tossing her notebook to the side and sitting next to her brother.

"What've we got so far, boys?" She asked, taking the pipe from Colin.

"Finn thinks I should write her something." Logan said. "Colin thinks I should do the roses thing I did back in school." He took a drag off of the joint in his hand. "Honestly, I'm considering getting down on my knees and begging for forgiveness."

"I like Finn's idea." Honor said, exhaling the smoke slowly. "But, I feel like you do deserve to get down on your knees and beg." She passed the pipe to Logan. "So I think you should do both."

"I told you my idea was the best idea!" Finn grabbed Honor's notebook and handed to Logan. "Okay, mate, start writing."

"But what do I say to her?" he traded the joint for a cigarette. They looked at him sadly.

"What you said to us yesterday." Colin finally said. "Tell her you fucked up. Tell her you don't deserve her. Tell her you wish you could go back in time and fix this, but you're begging her to forgive you right now. Tell her you need her more than life and the last couple days have been hell on earth and you need her to survive. Tell her she's your soulmate. Tell her she's your one and you'll do anything for her to take your dumbass back." He took a small hit from the pipe. "But most of all, tell her how much you love her." He looked at Logan. "Then after she reads your letter, and if she doesn't do anything, you can get down on your knees and beg for her."


	3. Letter

"No…" Logan groaned, rummaging around the living room. He was sure this stash was safe from Finn's sweep of the apartment. Even _he_ had forgotten about it until he'd woken up. He needed it now. He was shaking with desperation as he threw blankets around the room. Finn came running out of his room.

"What's going on?" He asked, pulling a shirt over his head. Logan didn't answer. It was obviously all gone. He walked to the door and shrugged his jacket on before slipping his slippers on.

"She's not here." He muttered, before stepping out onto the balcony. Logan's bed just felt so big and empty and cold. He couldn't sleep and the nightmares couldn't stop and he needed something to numb the pain, but everything was gone. But he couldn't have a repeat of last night, so he supposed the fact that all the alcohol in the apartment was gone. The door opened and closed behind him.

"What happened, mate?" Finn asked, sitting down next to him. Logan shrugged, lighting a cigarette. Chain-smoking for a while in the cold night, could help, right? If anything, it's better than drinking…

"My bed's empty." He whispered. "Cold. It feels too big." He blew out a puff of smoke. "I can't sleep." He looked at the cigarette in his hand. "It fucking hurts, Finn." He looked at him. "I need her."

"You'll get her back." Finn said reassuringly. "I promise."

"I shouldn't have walked away." Logan's voice cracked. "I shouldn't have pushed her. The long distance thing worked before—in a different country! It's only been a few days and I've fallen completely apart. I don't know why I thought I could live without her… I can't even sleep through the night without her." He lit another cigarette. "I love her so much. I don't know why I walked away."

Finn stared at him for a moment. "I don't either, mate." He said. "You had the world in the palm of your hand and you let her go. But she loves you and that's not going to disappear overnight."

"But what if she doesn't want me back?" Logan said through a cloud of smoke. "I've never fucked up this badly with her. I wouldn't blame her."

"That's why you'll literally beg for her if you have to. You will do _anything._ You two are made for each other. If not now, it will happen some day." Finn took a cigarette from Logan's pack. "You'll end up together in the end, no matter what. I can promise you that, at the very least."

"I can't wait forever. I need her now."

"You shouldn't have let her go in the first place."

"I know." Logan sighed then began to laugh humorlessly. "Normally I would just go to the bar and take home the first girl that looked twice at me as a good distraction from the pain." He lit another cigarette. "That's what I did the first time, remember? But I really fucked up that time. We weren't broken up. That was a break and I didn't know… You helped me fix it. Just like this time… But honestly, the thought of being with another woman makes me sick." He thought of Rory. "I can't… She's the only one I'll ever love. If this doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do, Finn."

"I know." He took one last drag off of his cigarette before turning to face Logan full on. "If you had tried to go out, Colin and I were prepared to lock you in your room. I'd rather you drink twice your weight in scotch than go out and sleep with any girl just to distract yourself." He sighed. "You'd hate yourself more after than you do now and then you'd end up doing something really stupid." Finn pat his back. "But it'll work. You're good with words. And if that doesn't work, I'm sure the begging will work."

"Thank you. Finn." Logan said suddenly. "First, for yelling at me. Then for taking care of me last night, and then for helping me figure out to fix everything. I could never thank you enough."

"You need me right now, mate. I'm here." He said simply. 

"But still, thank you."

"Logan?" Honor walked out of the kitchen, carrying two cups of coffee. "I was just outside. Did you smoke a whole pack of cigarettes last night? Because that's what it looks like." She handed him his cup.

"Yeah." She sat down on the coffee table across from him.

"Why?"

"You don't want me drinking anymore." Logan sighed. "I couldn't sleep, and I just needed… _something_. But it's okay now."

"Why couldn't you sleep?" Honor looked at him sadly.

"My bed was empty, Honor. She's not there anymore. It's my fault. I know. But I can't sleep without her." Logan looked into his cup of coffee. "That sounds so pathetic."

Colin walked out of a steam filled bathroom. "I know." He said, throwing his towel on the couch. "That's why I called Rory this morning. Part of it was because Finn and I were worried about her. But I called mainly because of you waking up in the middle of the night. I dunno what you could do tonight, but I'm really worried about that. So I called her and you're going to see her later tonight." He said, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"You're going to write your letter before you see her, and if you need our help, we'll help you. But we're not letting this go on any longer." Finn sighed. "I've seen you the last two nights, Logan. I love you, mate, but if you don't fix this soon, you going to end up fucking killing yourself. I'm not gonna stand by and let that happen. I don't care if you're scared about seeing Rory tonight, you're going to see her. At least she agreed to it, especially so soon." He picked up the notebook Honor had yesterday and handed it to Logan.

"Okay." He took the notebook quietly and walked out of room, grabbing a pen from the table as he went. He was going to se see Rory tonight. He didn't know what to do, what to say to her when he saw her. Finn had a point—he couldn't imagine why she would want to see him so soon after he walked away from her. Logan sat down and looked at the blank piece of paper, terrified of what could happen tonight. Maybe she agreed to meeting him tonight so she could yell at him for walking away. He deserved it. He more than deserved that. Logan deserved anything that she threw at him. He put the pen to paper. What could he say in the letter that could possibly make this better?

 _My dearest Rory—_

 _I must first start off by saying I'm sorry. Words cannot express how sorry I am. I shouldn't have walked away from you. I don't know what I was thinking… it's always been you, Rory. Since the moment I first saw you three years ago._

Logan read over what he'd written so far. It was only five sentences and he couldn't even decide if they were good enough for her. Finn walked outside and sat down next to him and handed him a pack of cigarettes.

"If all goes as planned, this will be your last." He said, smiling. "If not, well then, we'll figure it out from there."

"Thank you." He took a cigarette out and lit it.

"Do you need help?" Finn asked, pointing to the notebook. Logan paused.

"I think so. Nothing sounds good enough for her."

"Nothing _will_ be good enough for her, mate." He pulled the notebook over to read the little that Logan had written. "But that's a start."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "It just doesn't feel right."

"If it doesn't feel right, then start over."

Logan ripped the page out and crumbled it up into a ball.

 _My dearest Rory—_

 _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Words will never be able to express how sorry I am. I honestly don't know why I walked away from you. That in no way is an excuse for what I did, but I keep raking my mind over and over again for a reason, and I can't find one. I can't get the look of your face on my mind and the fact that I caused it, kills me. I will never be able to make up for this one. I fucked up bad, Rory. I know I did. I don't know why I thought I could live without you. I can't even make it though a single night without you._

"All the stuff that Colin said yesterday to make the letter about, remember?" Logan said, putting his pen down. "I feel like it'll sound like the letter's about me."

Finn didn't say anything for a second, just looked at the notebook for a second. "You're apologizing, saying everything _you_ did wrong and why _you're_ sorry. So it's not really about you. It's why you fucked up and it's what you'll do to get her back. You know?"

"Yeah."

 _My bed feels cold and empty without you in it, or the promise of you being it tomorrow. My apartment doesn't feel like a home without you here because you are my home. I have created my own personal hell on earth, Rory, and the last few days without you have made me realize I need you more than I need oxygen._

Logan paused for a moment. "I don't know what I'm going to do tonight when I see her." He didn't look up as he lit another cigarette.

"if she starts yelling at you, let her." Finn said simply. "You fucking deserve it. Don't argue back, just let her. When she's done, apologize, and hand her your letter. If she doesn't start yelling, just hand her the letter."

"Why would I argue? I know I deserve it."

"I don't know, Logan. You get defensive."

 _I wish I could go back and change what I did, but I can't. I've been thinking about what you said. You're right, you're always right. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, because with you, it just has to be something. You're all that I need in this world. You're all I'll ever need. It's always been you. It will always be you, Rory. Even if you decide I don't deserve forgiveness, it will still be you for me. I love you so much, Ace. I love you much it hurts, and I need you in my life. You are the only thing, really, that keeps me grounded. I'm beginning to float away without you holding my hand._

Suddenly, Logan set his pen down and looked at Finn. "Is Rory coming over here? Am I meeting her in Stars Hallow? Are we meeting somewhere in the middle for dinner?" his voice was panicked.

"She's coming here. Honor, Colin, and I are going out for a while, so it'll just be the two of you." Finn answered calmly. "Sound good?"

"We're going to have to clean up all these cigarette butts. I don't want her to know I've been smoking so much…" Logan trailed off. "Or at all, actually. But I'm sure she'll figure that out, anyway, but I can at least try to hide how much I've been smoking."

"We'll take care of it, don't worry."

 _You are my soul mate and soul mates are meant to be together. I broke that rule in the first place. But I'm begging you—I will literally get down on my knees, if you'd like—to take me back. I will spend the rest of my life fixing this mistake. I need you, Ace. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'm so unbelievably sorry for walking away from you, from us, because we had something truly beautiful. I am prepared to do anything and everything to get it back. Even if that means stealing another yacht._

Logan laughed to himself a little at that last line. Finn looked up.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I mentioned when we stole a yacht."

"Ah," Finn chuckled. "That was the night we met Loralei."

 _I love you, a thousand times over. Please, Rory, I need you. I'm so sorry. I will spend the rest of my life making this horrible mistake up to you, if I have to. I just need you back. Please._


	4. Dinner

Logan paced around outside, smoking a cigarette. Colin and Finn were out back and Honor was finishing dinner. He couldn't even remember what she was making, he was so nervous. Rory would be here soon. Colin, Finn, and Honor would be leaving as soon as Honor was finished with dinner.

"Okay, Logan," Honor walked outside. "Everything's ready, just warming in the oven. There's a salad in the fridge. Finn bought some wine for tonight, so there's that." She looked at her watch. "She should be here any minute so we're leaving." She turned back to the house. "Boys!" Colin and Finn came running to the door. "You should be all set, Logan. It's all up to you from here."

"Good luck, mate." Finn smiled and clapped him on the back. "You got this."

"You got this, man." Colin smiled. "If you can jump off a cliff in Costa Rica and survive, you can do this, too."

"Nah, mate, he almost died doing that."

"Oh, right. He can still do this."

Honor gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. "She loves you. It'll be okay."

"Thank you for everything, Honor." Logan said, hugging her tightly.

"You're welcome. Just don't mess it up." She smiled reassuringly at him before turning away. "Come on, boys."

Logan took a deep breath before walking inside. He didn't know what to do with himself until she got there. He paced around the living room. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. His heart started pounding against his ribs as he rushed to the door and suddenly it was all he could hear as he opened the door.

It had only been a couple days, but it felt like it had been _years_. Rory looked different. There was something… off. Her bright blue eyes were a little red. She looked beautiful as usual, but there was just something different about her that Logan couldn't quite place.

"Good evening, Rory." He said softly, stepping aside to her in. She smiled slightly.

"Hello, Logan." Her voice was a little raw. "It smells good in here." She said, sliding her jacket off and draping it over a chair. "What'd you make?"

"Um, okay, I'll be honest." Logan ran his hands through his hair as he made his way through to the kitchen. "But Honor cooked for me. You know cooking's not exactly my strong suit."

Rory smiled again and followed him to the kitchen. "Well, what'd Honor make?" she asked. Logan looked grabbed the oven mitts off the counter and opened the oven.

"She made chicken parmesan and penne." He said, pulling the pans out off the oven. "She also said there's salad in the fridge if you want."

"Oooh, sounds good." Rory looked around the kitchen for a minute.

"Looking for something, Ace?" Logan asked as he shoveled food onto plates.

"Wine?" she asked, looking in a cupboard.

"Oh, I think that's also in the fridge."

Rory took a bottle of white wine out of the fridge, and she grabbed two wine glasses out of the cupboard before grabbing a corkscrew. They worked together in quiet for a couple minutes. Rory took the glasses of wine to the table, holding the bottle under her arm before going back and grabbing the bowl of salad. Logan set the plates down and grabbed silverware from the drawer. Finally, they sat down but didn't say anything. They just stared at each other, not touching their food or drinking their wine. Finally, Logan broke the silence.

"I wrote you a letter." He said, standing up and grabbing the envelope from the counter. "Because I feel like it would be a lot easier to say everything in a letter." He handed it to her. "Please, read it. And if you still want to yell at me when you're done, you can. I deserve it."

Rory took the letter but didn't open it. "I didn't come here to yell at you, Logan." She said quietly. She looked at him sadly before opening the letter and beginning to read. Logan watched her face as she read. Her eyes filled with tears. Finally, she put the paper down. "I've spent the last couple days wondering why you would just walk away after asking me to spend the rest of my life with you." she sighed. "I thought I knew you, Logan. I thought I knew you better than I knew myself." her voice was full of disappointment and Logan realized he wished she was yelling at him instead. "But after watching you leave, I realized that I don't." She paused to take a drink of wine. "Honestly, that almost hurt as much as you leaving me." She started playing with her hands. "I feel so stupid saying this, but I thought we were forever, you know? I thought we were going to grow old together. You were it for me. I just wasn't ready to get married yet. But I always imagined it happening someday…" The tears in her eyes finally fell silently down her cheeks. "I feel like we're too young. But after all we've been through, I didn't think this was how it was going to end."

Logan's heart stopped. So this is really it? It was all his fault, he deserved it.

"Rory," Logan started. He didn't know exactly what to say, but he had to say something. Apologize again, though he didn't think she wanted to hear it. He could start begging…

"I'm not done, Logan." Rory said impatiently. "These last few days have been _so hard,_ Logan." She didn't look at him while she spoke. " _You_ caused this pain." She pointed at his letter. "You know you did. You walking out on me, _on my graduation day_ , wasn't fair. That was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life but you ruined that for me. I want to forgive you." she finally looked up at him. "I really do. But I don't know what to do here, Logan. How do I know you're not just going to walk away again?" her voice cracked and she looked away as she drank her wine. Logan didn't say anything for a second. Rory sensed his hesitation. "I'm done now." She said, staring at him.

Logan took a deep breath. "I don't know what I was thinking, Rory."

"So you've said." She muttered, gesturing to the letter again.

He nodded. "To be perfectly honest, I wasn't expecting you to say no. You're far from predictable, Ace, but I was almost sure that you wanted this as much as me. So when you said no, I panicked. I didn't know what to do." He took a sip of his wine. "I'm in no way excusing what I did." He said quickly. "I just want you to know what was going on through my head and maybe… it might make a little bit of sense?" Logan sighed. Rory didn't give him a reaction. It was hard for him to talk when she was guarding herself off so much. He didn't blame her and he completely understood, but he was so used to being able to gauge how he was doing when they were fighting by her body language, her expressive eyes—but everything was very closed off tonight. They were at a standstill. "I'm so sorry." Was all he could muster. "I'm so unbelievably sorry. If there was a word stronger than sorry, I would be it. I just need you to believe me when I say that I will spend the rest of my life making this horrible mistake up to you, if you'll let me." When Rory didn't say anything, Logan moved to stand up. "I'm prepared to get down on my knees and beg." At that, her lips twitched.

"You don't need to get down on your knees." She said quietly. "I should make you, though." She added, finishing her wine.

"I'll do it if you want me to." he said reaching across the table. "I'll do anything you want me to."

"I don't doubt it." Rory smiled slightly as she poured herself another glass of wine. Logan's heart soared.

"I regret the last few days ever happened, Ace." He said seriously. "It's been hell when I could've been with you."

"What'd you do?" the smile was gone.

"If you're worried that I went out and slept with all of Honor's bridesmaids again, you shouldn't be. I also didn't go to any bars or parties to find some blonde to fall into bed with." She cringed at his words, but she did exhale like she'd been holding in her breath. "I drank at least twice my weight in alcohol and I was smoking like a chimney. I also haven't slept since that day." He didn't look at her.

"Smoking?" Rory sounded a little annoyed. "Since when do you smoke?"

"It's been an on-and-off thing for the since London. But I'm done now. I promise." He looked up at her. "How's it been for you?"

"The town threw me a graduation party and Miss Patty made her famous founder's day punch for it. You've had it before. You know how strong it is." Rory said, pushing her food around on her plate. "I probably drank almost all of it." She grimaced. "I also haven't been able to sleep." She sighed.

"I'm so sorry, Ace. I'm so, so, so sorry." Logan reached across the table for her hand. "I wish I could take it back."

"You can't take it back, can you?" she snapped, but she did wrap her fingers around his.

"You were right, though, you're always right. We did the long distance thing. We were an ocean apart and we made it work. A few states away wouldn't be that hard."

"A few states? Logan, you'd be all the way across the country." Rory laughed. "When are you leaving?"

"That's not important now." Logan said, pulling her closer to him. "Let's just make _us_ better right now. Let's fix this."

"But it _is_ important."

"Not until this is fixed." He said.

"Okay." Rory shrugged, taking a bite of her chicken. "Mmm, this is good."

"Mhm, Honor is a good chef." Logan agreed, taking a bite of pasta. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Rory put her fork down and looked at him.

"I have a question, Logan." She said slowly.

"Anything, Ace."

"Do you really want to marry me or was that your way of getting me to move to California with you?"

"Why do you think that I wouldn't want to marry you?" Logan asked, hurt.

"Because I say no and offer different options and you walk away." Rory looked at him seriously. "It just feels like maybe you didn't because you didn't fight for us and if you really want to marry someone, if you really want to be with someone, you fight for them no matter what. It's not 'all or nothing'. It's not like that, especially with us. We've been through so much, Logan. It's just not fair." Her grip tightened on his.

"I did want to marry you. I still want to marry you. But I understand that you're not ready and maybe I'm not completely ready. But I do know that I want to be with you for the rest of my life and obviously that was the only way I knew how to convey that to you. But you're not ready, and I respect that. After the last couple days, I need you in my life. I'm so sorry I did this to you. I'm so sorry, I can't say it enough, Rory." He took a deep breath and moved so he was kneeling right in front of her now. "I love you so much. We don't have to get married now, or ever, if you don't want to. I just need to be with you. Please take me back, Ace. I love you." he kissed her hand. Rory didn't say anything for a couple minutes and after a while, Logan started to get scared. Then she smiled.

"You actually got down on your knees and begged, didn't you?"

"I told you I'd do it." He smiled. "What do you say, Ace?"

"Only cos you begged for it." She laughed.

"Can I kiss you now?" Logan asked, pulling Rory closer to him.

"Yes, please."


End file.
